


Letters to a Dead Man

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M, TW: Suicide Attempts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pavel writes letters to Leonard, who died a week prior. (TW: Multiple implies suicide attempts, Modern!AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August 19

Dear Leonard, 

Hello, Lyonya. It's me, Pavel. I don't know if you remember me, but I hope you do. And if you don't remember what happened, I'll tell you. 

You were driving down the freeway late at night, and then another car hit you. The other man, I think his name was Khan, was okay, but he's in jail now. You went into a coma, like sleeping. Only you didn't wake up. 

I know it's probably hard to hear about your death, and everything. But I want you to know. And I know it seems a childish to write letters to a man who'll never see them, but I don't care.

I don't know if you remember this, either, but I love ~~d~~ you. I wanted us to be happy together. I remember we'd watch old movies together on the couch, and I'd lean my head on your shoulder and you'd lean your head on mind. 

I miss you a lot, and so do all the others. They're being very kind, though. Jim's letting me stay at his house for a while until I can come back to ours. 

I have to go now, because I want to try to sleep for a while.

Love Always,   
Pavel Chekov


	2. August 20

Dear Leonard, 

Not much has happened since I wrote you yesterday. I watched some TV reruns with Jim, and he made us both lunch. He asked me if I wanted to go drinking with the others tonight, but I said now. I think I'd rather stay home. I've been thinking about you a lot. Dr. Marcus, a grief counselor I have to see asked me if I was mad that you left me. I told her that I couldn't be mad at you, because you couldn't help it. She asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. I _am_ sure. 

Love Always,  
Pavel Chekov


	3. August 25

Dear Leonard, 

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I had to spend a few nights in the hospital because I took too many of the pills Dr. Marcus gave me. Jim was angry. He told me I shouldn't have done that. I'm back in his house, though, and I think he's forgiven me. He's been hiding my pills, and only gives me one when it's time to take them. I don't think he trusts me anymore. I don't think I blame him. 

I have to go again, because Jim says he doesn't think I should write you. 

Love Always,   
Pavel Chekov


	4. August 26

Dear Leonard, 

After my appointment with Dr. Marcus, Jim made me go see a movie with him. It was a very juvenile movie, but good. It had a happy ending. 

After that, he had me go to dinner with everyone. They were all really quiet around me, like I'd done something wrong. But when I'd asked, Sulu patted my shoulder and said "No, Pasha. Of course not." And everybody else nodded in agreement. 

I'm very tired, and I'm going to sleep soon. Jim just reminded me that I shouldn't be writing you, so I should go. 

Love Always,   
Pavel Chekov


	5. September 23

Dear Leonard, 

I'm sorry it's been so long. I spent another few days in the hospital because I cut my wrists. Jim wasn't upset, but he's a lot gentler. He's given me two extra blankets, since it's getting colder, and bought me a better pillow. I asked if I could go home and he said no, Then I asked him if _he_ could go get a few things for me, and he sighed and said, "fine."

I told him to get our wedding tape and some more clothes, and one of your shirts. I haven't watched the wedding tape yet, but I wear your shirt to bed. When I put my head under the covers and close my eyes, I can pretend you're really there. It's sad, but nice. I miss you. 

Love Always,  
Pavel Chekov


	6. September 25

Dear Leonard, 

I miss you. Dr. Marcus says that that's perfectly normal, and tried to ask me other questions. I didn't answer, though, just sat and thought. Then she said our hour was up, and I left. 

Jim tried to ask me how I was doing, but I just asked how far away from home we were. Then, he said we weren't going home, and we ewre going out for a drink. I asked him to just dropped me off. I _begged_ him to just drop me off, but he said everybody'd be there, and they wanted to see me. 

Everybody was quieter when we got there, and they just smiled and offered me a drink. I didn't have one, just a soda, and they tried to get me to talk. I'm still sitting here at the table, writing this to you. 

Nyota just asked me what I was writing, and I told her. She gave me a strange look, but then she smiled sadly and hugged me tightly. While we were hugging, she whispered. "I hope you get better." 

I have to go now because Jim's coming, and I want to ask him if he could take me home again. 

Love always,   
Pavel Chekov


	7. October 1

Dear Leonard, 

Today I heard Sulu whispering about me to Jim. But every time I tried to go into his room, he'd shoo me away and shut the door behind me. 

When Sulu left, Jim asked me if I was hungry. I wasn't, so he just changed the bandages on my wrists and we watched TV. Then, I asked if we could go see you. 

He was _really_ quiet for a minute, and then he said we could go, and stood up. 

We stopped and bought some blue-green flowers, and found your stone. 

I hope you got the flowers. They were nice. I talked to you for a while, and then sat down. Jim talked, too. 

On the way home, Jim got take-out, and then came back. 

The takeout is good, Jim just came back from the bathroom and was very angry that I'm writing to you. He was he was gonna take away the


	8. October 15

Dear Leonard,

It's been a while. Jim took away my notebook and have it to Dr. Marcus. She said it wasn't healthy for me to write these letters, and suggested that I write or talk with a _real_ person. I told her that you are real, and she hesitated. Then she said that you were once real, but aren't anymore. And then I ignored her for the rest of the hour. She gave me back my notebook, but she asked me not to write you.

I have a feeling I'm making things harder. Everybody's trying to be nice, but I can tell they don't really feel that way. Jim still offers to make me something to eat, but we don't talk much. I suppose we never did. 

What if my friends don't like me anymore? Was it something I did? I miss you. 

Love Always,   
Pavel Chekov


	9. October 31

Dear Leonard, 

It's Halloween today. Later, after all the small kids were at home, a teenager, younger than me, asked if I was a mental patient and poked my wrists. It hurt, and I dropped the bowl of candy. I bent down to pick it up, and Jim came over and told the kid to go home. 

He asked me if I was okay, and I told Jim that nothing was wrong, and that I think I'd go to bed now. He said to let him know if he needed anything. 

So now I'm sitting in bed, under the covers. It's getting a lot colder around here, and Jim said that around Christmas, it'll snow. I asked if you'd be there, and he sighed and said no. 

Love Always,   
Pavel Chekov


End file.
